Heal The Woman Within

Women’s Month is around the corner.  If you are looking for a presentation that will touch the heart of your employees, women’s group or delegates, then Heal The Woman Within, may be just what you are looking for.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       About this presentation                                                                                                                                              As a Life Coach I have worked with many women in my coaching practice, women who try to deal with their emotional challenges by abusing a substance, resorting to destructive behaviour patterns or inappropriate sexual conduct. Too many women believe that it is not ideal to talk about their challenges. I believe that too many women (and men for that matter) lose their ability to speak their truth during their childhood; often as a result of “discipline.”

Everyone needs an outlet
When it comes to our challenges, we need an outlet. This means that we need to talk about it or seek appropriate help. When this need is not met, we encounter situations where our challenges manifest in various ways that tend to magnify the challenge that we started out with.

I received positive feedback for this presentation after a Women’s Day event last year. The women in the audience came from various backgrounds, but one thing that they had in common, was that they could all relate to the topic. Some spoke to me afterwards, thanking me for focusing on a topic that is real; a topic that made them look inward and reflect on their situation and inspired them to make the changes that they needed to make.

The role of cognitive dissonance
The reality of cognitive dissonance makes this situation even worse for those who are struggling with it. You know that what you choose to do is not productive, they know that they should stop and that they should seek help. However, they do not seek help, because of the shame, guilt and because they feel that they would risk losing the “perfect” image that they are trying to uphold.

Some of the manifestations that occur when you do not talk about your challenges or seek help
•Is your current challenge so overwhelming that you do not see yourself talking about it to anyone?
•Are you abusing drugs to help you cope, because you are unable to seek help?
•Do you drink too much alcohol, because it helps you forget about your challenge for a while?
•Do you abuse painkillers to try to numb that painful issue that you are struggling with?
•Do you have a desire to have a sexual encounter with someone else, but when you re-think it, you say to yourself: “This is unlike me.”?

Did you answer “yes” to one or more of the above?  Do you think that you are alone?           Rest assured – you are not alone; and there is help.                                                                                       (There are number of other manifestations – to be addressed during my presentation).

There is help
There are various ways in which to address the above manifestations as well as the particular challenge that resulted in the manifestation.                                                                     However, the first thing that you have to do is ask yourself the following question: “What is it that I need that I am not currently getting?”
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Do you think that your women’s group would benefit from this presentation?
With Heal The Woman Within, I do not simply put plaster over your emotional crack, but also focus on why the crack (emotional pain) had occurred in the first place.  I share ways in which to deal with such pain and share methods on how to heal.  Apart from that, I also address the various manifestations that come about when we do not deal with our challenges in an appropriate manner; and I give advice on how to address these manifestations.  Furthermore, I will point you in the right direction, should you need professional help.  I also share a few anonymous case studies that delegates are able to relate to.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     This presentation allows participants to do introspection, without making any disclosures in front of the group.  And hopefully, those who are struggling with this would be inspired to acknowledge their situation and seek the help that they need.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     REMEMBER…                                                                                                                                                                        When you invest in your healing, your emotional (or relationship) challenge could turn you into an EXPERT.  Ask me how.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       For enquiries or more information about this presentation, send an email to:                    info@andeline.co.za                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Thank you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Andeline Williams-Pretorius.

Your well-being is my business.         

Expert Positioning (as Columnist to Kuier magazine) takes me to television

It gives me great pleasure to announce that I’ll be featured on the television programme: “Kollig” tomorrow (Tuesday evening, 22 July 2014) at 21h00. It was a huge compliment to be contacted by Moenier telling me that they would like to feature me (Kuier Coach) on this great program.  I immediately said yes and a few days later I received the shooting schedule and the date on which the shoot would take place.                                                                     I have a new-found respect for television producers, presenters and their whole team. We often switch on our televisions to watch our favourite programme and forget about the hours of work that goes into a recording.

Thank you Kollig-team                                                                                                                                                   I would like to thank the Kollig-team: Moenier Hendricks, Denver S. Vraagom, JP, Martin Gouws and the rest of the team. I am impressed with your level of professionalism and the manner in which you have executed your task.  Such professionalism is hard to find these days.  Thanks again.  Keep up your great work.

Thank you Kuier magazine                                                                                                                                           It is an absolute honour to contribute as Columnist to Kuier magazine; something that I’ve been doing for the last three years – without missing a deadline. Thank you to Kay, Raylentia, and the rest of the Kuier-team and to the wonderful readers.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Thank you Riverlea Secondary School                                                                                                                 A part of the recording was done at Riverlea Secondary School, a school that I’ve worked with for a few years. I presented a talk to the learners. Judging by the feedback, they are hungry for more. I have been asked to come back on a regular basis, because the learners are dealing with so many challenges. Some of them are having difficulties at home, while it is also difficult to grow up in an environment where one is surrounded by various social ills.                                                                                                                                                                                             My message to the learners included the importance of goals, setting them and working hard at achieving them. Because I am from a similar background, I could tell them that their background doesn’t have to be the reason why they decide to quit. In fact, they could push themselves, accomplish their goals and be an inspiration to others one day, because of where they come from.

Please support this initiative at Riverlea Secondary School                                                                One of the objectives of The Empathy Foundation, NPO 070-849, is entrepreneurship. As a result, we’ll be presenting various training programs at the school. I believe that it is important that we equip learners with skills that would allow them to find their feet after school and to find ways of making things happen for themselves, especially those who would not be able to study further.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       We hope to, in future, roll out our training programs at more schools.                                               Should your organisation be interested in supporting this initiative, contact me (Andeline) for more information and about the benefits to you or your organisation.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             To visit the Facebook page of The Empathy Foundation, see this link: https://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa?fref=ts                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     The Empathy Foundation doing its bit in honour of Madiba Day                                                         Delphine and I delivered 67 loaves of bread and copies of Kuier magazine to Lodewyk P. Spies Home for the elderly in Eersterust, Pretoria (18 July 2014).                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   See this link for more images:                         https://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa/photos/pcb.739830532745981/739808169414884/?type=1&theater

From left to right: Andeline Williams-Pretorius (Founder) and Delphine van Wyk (office bearer and Empathy Angel extraordinaire).

Expert Positioning; if I could do it with so many odds that seemed to be against me, and then anyone can. I’ll soon be able to add a wonderful new chapter to my journey of Expert Positioning.  I will share more information about this new chapter soon.

Keep dreaming, keep doing and do not quit.

She dreamt of a miracle skincare product and went out to create it

I had the pleasure of meeting this very successful businesswoman. She is Geraldine Prinsloo, the owner of Tyger Logistics. She is an example of a woman who takes great care of herself. As if this was not enough to inspire me, she certainly blew me away when she told me about the miracle skincare product that she was allowed to register the patent for.

Geraldine is passionate about women’s issues, skincare and about business. I asked her a few questions about her background, business, her miracle skincare product and her childhood. She was very generous to take time out of her very busy schedule to answer them. I was inspired and believe that others will be inspired too. I hope to do a follow-up once this miracle product is available.

Geraldine Prinsloo, CEO and Founder of Tyger Logistics.

1. You are a very successful businesswoman. Where does your passion for business come from?
My opinion, I think business people are BORN…but my main desire was to follow in my dad’s footsteps, as he was an avid businessman during the apartheid era.

2. The skincare product that you have created, that I believe will find a way onto the skincare shelves of many women, will soon be available. When I think about that, “wow” is one of the first words that come to mind. Tell me about the hard work and commitment that went into that.
Wow! Ok, where do I begin? I have a natural tendency to want to contribute to women looking and feeling better. Blemishes are one of those problematic things many women struggle with and it tends to make them feel less confident. This is where my search for a product that really works, began. I stumbled upon a factory that could perform the necessary tests with regards to the product, of which the main ingredient is wild mushroom. Today, I believe that that was fate.

I was willing to be the lab rat and was truly amazed at the results. I had to make a few adjustments with regards to some of the processes and ingredients. After all the testing, hard work, commitment, long hours of countless Skype calls and trips to China, I was finally allowed to register the patent which made me the sole owner of the technology. I am currently working at designing the packaging for the product and am looking forward to officially introduce it to women around the world. YES, hard work pays off.

3. What would you tell the aspirant skincare product creator about the journey? What are the do’s and don’ts that they should keep in mind?
DO NOT COMPROMISE ON QUALITY. Remember that you are dealing with a precious commodity – skin.
Tenacity pays off. When you know you have a winning formula, do not give up. Your idea might sound crazy to others. However, you have to continue focusing on your dream.

4. What else is there about Geraldine and about your business that you would like people to know?
I always follow my instincts, inner voice, intuition or the voice of God. When my inner voice says “do it”, or “no” or “wait”, I listen. I believe that it is important to explore until you find what makes you tick; what makes you get up with a bounce in your step. I am determined to never stop learning.

5. Tell me about the legacy that you wish to leave behind – to society and to your children?
What I want to leave behind should be imperishable and eternal. I don’t want to leave behind only tangible items—buildings, money, and/or possessions. Yes, it could be seen as prosperity, but I want to leave behind a POSTERITY; a heritage – not just an inheritance. Someone once said: “Our children are messengers we send to a time we will not see.” I would like to be an observer of two trendsetters, who not only have their interest at heart, but the interest of others too.

I want to leave my children a part of ME. I hope that I am a good example of generosity in action. And I want to be a reminder that you should keep going when things get hard. If I learned anything through my own hardships and challenges, it’s that I am stronger than I thought I was.
Another wonderful quote comes to mind: “Those who came before leave us the world we live in. Those who will come after will have only what we leave them.”

6. Apart from your business and this miracle product, you are also part of a big networking group. Why have you decided to become part of this networking group, when you were already a successful businesswoman? And what is it about this particular networking group that made you say: “this is that extra thing that I would like to do?”
As all financial gurus educate us daily, you should have a business that allows a flow of passive income; while you are sleeping.  That is what this company allows. The fact that travel (which is one of my ultimate passions) is part of it made it a no brainer. It allows me to afford financial- and time freedom.  It is a wonderful platform that empower people.

7. One of your businesses is based in China. You are a South African, so why China?
I admire and appreciate the work ethic of Chinese people. I feel that we as a country are held ransom by trade unions and THEIR decisions; it is refreshing to witness a country where people work for their benefit as well as for the benefit of their country; hence the reason why China is where it is as a country and we are where we are.

8. When you look back at your childhood, is your life today anything of what you have dreamt of as a child?
OH ABSOLUTELY! I dreamt of following in my fathers footsteps, being an avid businessman. He indoctrinated me with “walk into a room as if you own it.” I did not understand it at age ten, but today I know how important confidence is. And it is because of my father’s teachings that I know and live that today.

9. Tell me a bit about your childhood
I am a middle child with two brothers older than I am and two sisters younger than I am. We were a healthy, happy and close knit family. My siblings and I were blessed with amazing parents who were married for close to forty years, when dad passed away. I think I put too much pressure on myself to achieve, but still enjoyed every moment of being a child. As a child, I climbed trees, whistled, play sports and stole fruit from the neighbours’ fruit trees. I got into a lot of trouble on a daily basis. Childhood back then was different from what our kids are experiencing today; we didn’t need much to entertain ourselves.

10. You mentioned that you encourage your children to be smart about money and about business. Why do you think that it is important that parents do that?
God forbid the day when I am no longer around they will be well rounded adults who disciplined, who knows about giving tithes and about using money. Money is the commodity that makes the world go round. If you respect money it will respect you.

11. What would you say to young people from the Coloured community, young people who perhaps believe that there are no opportunities for them?
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AT ALL COSTS. The playing field has been leveled so NO-ONE can be blamed if you don’t succeed BUT YOU. LAZY is not an option, it is so last year. Maximize your time, because wasted time is something that you can NEVER get back. We all have 24 hours in a day. What you do with yours will determine your future.

12. You are also very passionate about women’s issues. Why is that and what are those thing that you believe many women are still getting wrong when it comes to their worth and value?
I am indeed. I am a woman first, before I am anything else.
Too many women allow themselves to be financially dependent on a man. When doing this, they generally curb their ability to live to the full and realise their ultimate potential. Whoever has not determined their purpose yet is merely existing and not LIVING as planned by God. We have to love ourselves first, before we are able to love anybody else.

13. Is there anything else that you would like to add?
I believe that a relationship with God is very important. It is not so much about religion, but rather about the relationship. Everyone has a book inside of them. Mine will soon be published. Watch the space.

Connect with Geraldine on the following social media platforms:                     za.linkedin.com/pub/geraldine-prinsloo/11/838/321                   https://www.facebook.com/geraldine.prinsloo.7?fref=ts                       https://twitter.com/gjprinsloo

Are you feeling uprooted or blocked from who you are? Consider “being yourself for a living.”

Robin Wheeler set out in 1996 to ‘be himself for a living’ and soon founded BEntrepreneurING, which has grown to include various innovative ventures united by the BEING brand and concept.

Robin is the author of the INSIGHTS series on ‘being yourself for a living’, published by BEING Books. He presents conference keynotes, or BEING Talks, and does BEING Consulting for companies wanting game-changing transformation and branding projects.

He runs BEING Retreats to Thailand, and films some of them for television through BEING TV, which also works on the corporate projects. He maintains a strong independent voice by writing for and giving comment in the media, and is also a musician.

Robin Wheeler.  Author of the INSIGHTS series on ‘being yourself for a living.’  Robin is also an international Speaker.

A few years ago, I had the privilege to experience Robin as a speaker.  His message was different, positively and powerfully different.  It came from a truly authentic place and it is one that everybody needs to hear, read about or experience.  Robin, your work truly speaks to the soul.  As a result, Truer Insights simply had to accompany me on my sabbatical last year.

Below are the questions that I have asked Robin.  He answered and elaborated very generously and I have no doubt that readers will be left inspired; as much as I had been.

1. Your brand: “Being yourself for a living” is something that truly captures attention. What was the inspiration behind it?
The seed has always been in me and, after studying psychology, travelling Europe and working in corporate Human Resources, I was spurred by illness to live my way and do my thing without compromise. I came to call the experience ‘being yourself for a living’, which is what BEntrepreneurING helps people and companies do.

The inspiration comes from being aligned with myself and what the world needs, if you like, whether it is the writing, the strategic work or new business ventures, and from working with people.

2. When you look back to your childhood, is there something that stands out; something that makes you say that your brand is definitely something that you were meant to be? If yes, what is that something?
Distinctly, yes. It has always been an intuitive certainty that I could live this way and that we all need to for our individual and collective wellbeing. It’s been something that has never left me, no matter what challenges I’ve faced.

3. Why is it important that we should strive to be ourselves?
It’s the solution to everything in our lives. Being uprooted, distracted and blocked from who we are is our primary problem. So it’s not a striving, because striving perpetuates separation, but simply a relaxation into who we are, a coming home to ourselves. It happens now, not in the future.

4. In your latest book, entitled: “Truer Insights”, you focus on seventy-seven themes. All of them are very meaningful. The theme, entitled: “Inaccessibility”… Why do you think it is important that we take time out from the busyness and from the world to just be quiet, to think and reflect on ourselves, our journey?
That theme recurs in my writing and the ‘being yourself’ experience. Solitude is where the noise settles, clarity emerges, and inspiration invigorates. It is in stillness that we reconnect with our inner knowing.

It is the first half of the picture, neglected by most of us. The other half is co-creating with people while remaining rooted in ourselves. Life becomes a dynamic balance of the inner and outer.

5. “Truer Insights” is your fourth book in the INSIGHTS series. When you look at the first three books before Truer Insights, how are you different now, after writing and publishing your fourth book, compared to the time after writing and publishing your first book?
There are three earlier books before the INSIGHTS series as well. Once I stumbled upon the ‘insights’ format, which really suits my writing and the lifestyle of the modern reader, the books have kept coming and now there are the four available with more lined up. I have grown in all areas of my creative work and business, and mostly in myself, so the journey in the books is a spiral circling through all aspects of life, taking you deeper into yourself and higher in awareness.

6. Who is Robin Wheeler, apart from being an Author and international Speaker?
The overriding aspect of being yourself for a living is finding and expressing who you really are. Half of this is creating and the other half is rediscovering yourself. This is the spiritual aspect, if you like.

I could be called an artist using the world as my canvas, and an entrepreneur, finding fulfilment in realising vision and building relationships. I am a writer, of course, which is a way of life, and I speak professionally. Mostly, though, through all the forms, I am a mystery of consciousness just being myself!

7. What would you say to the aspirant Speaker and Author who currently doubts whether they could achieve their dream?
Be more than an author or a speaker, and what you write and speak about will flow from that. To be a speaker, there is no substitute for time at the front of the room and for having something sincere and insightful to share. To be a writer, write and keep writing. In both cases, authenticity will inspire and seduce you to self-actualise.

8.Being fake seems to be at the order of the day. What are the 5 most important things that you would like to say to the person reading here, about being themselves for a living?
•The false is promoted everywhere we turn, so we need to be real more than ever. It’s an inspired act of courage, intelligent rebellion and social change.

•Being yourself means stripping away who you are not. If it remains when all else fails, it’s authentic. Trust your struggles.

•Explore all your talents, they make you whole and have inherent wisdom. They also weave together to form your unique brand.

•Live creatively. Put your happiness, inspiration and lifestyle first.

•Integrate to innovate. How can you bring all your skills and talents together with meeting global needs into a simple creative service that is uniquely yours?

9. You were recently chosen to showcase your book at O. R. Tambo International. That was something that made me say: “Wow!” How did it make you feel to be acknowledged in that way?
It was a special opportunity and set of events, so I was grateful. It felt like work, though! All part of what I do. Bringing out a book opens the way for many constructive and mutually beneficial occasions, so it’s something to enjoy and give your best work to.

10. Where could the reader get more information about purchasing your books and about hiring you as a Speaker?
Insights (2007), Further Insights (2009), Deeper Insights (2010) and Truer Insights (2013) are all available in Exclusive Books around South Africa and from Amazon.com. For speaking, contact Amanda Ghigini on amanda@bentrepreneuring.com

                           The cover of Robin’s latest book, entitled: TRUER INSIGHTS.                                

If you need more information about Robin and about his work, you can visit his website or connect with him on Facebook and / or Twitter.                                                                                           http://www.bentrepreneuring.com                                                                                                       http://www.facebook.com/robinwheeler1                                                                                            @RobinBEING

Writing and Publishing your book is as easy as 1, 2, 3

Are you knowledgeable about a particular subject matter? Do you dream of sharing that knowledge with others by becoming a published author? Well, now you have no more excuses, because YOU CAN. You’ll be amazed at what being a published author could do for you on your journey of expert positioning, provided that you do things right.

I present a public workshop in which I guide participants through the process, but also present the information in the form of a one-on-one coaching session.  During my presentation, I focus on important steps to consider on your book writing and publishing journey, as well as on the mistakes that many aspirant authors make and how you could avoid such mistakes.                                                                                                                                                           I regularly receive enquiries from aspirant authors who need help with regards to tailoring their manuscript to a particular audience. This is one of the things that should be considered at the very beginning and could save you a lot of time.

One new author came to me about two years ago and asked me to assist them on their PR journey with getting publicity for their book.  It is always wonderful to take on a new client and the fact that this person had identified me as the go-to person, was a wonderful compliment. However, I had to decline, because when I read their book, I wasn’t sure who they thought their audience were. There were “cartoonish” illustrations in the book and when you combine that to the font size, I got the feeling that the book was suitable for children, between 7 and 11 years old. However, there was a serious love theme that I thought was inappropriate to children of that age group. There were also a number of spelling errors. The overall book had a beautiful cover and it generally looked great.

I unfortunately had to decline the request to help promote the book for obvious reasons and suggested that they made the necessary changes, before I consider.  Well, this was not received very well.

I want to see more published authors                                                                                                                   I want to see more published authors and I want to guide more people on their journey. Therefore I decided to share a few important steps with you (with a brief outline). It will save you a lot of time, trouble and money.  I hope that you’ll find them helpful.

Planning                                                                                                                                                                                    You have to plan your book. If you neglect this step, you could end up with a product that would be considered as not good enough.

Pre-writing                                                                                                                                                                              During this stage you make notes about what it is that you want to write about, decide what you want to focus on in each chapter and elaborate on that.

Revising                                                                                                                                                                                  During the revising stage, you may feel the need to add things of even take some things away. This process leads to your final manuscript, before the proofreading stage.

Proof-reading                                                                                                                                                                          Every manuscript that you complete should be proof-read. It is also advisable to find someone who is qualified to do proof-reading and editing to do this.

Publishing                                                                                                                                                                          Who will publish your book? Will you self-publish, be published by a national publishing house or will you publish your book on Kindle? What are the steps when it comes to these options?

Presenting                                                                                                                                                                            This relates to the published copy of your book. What does it look like? Where will you sell your book? How to get free publicity? This includes interviews on radio, television and being featured in a magazine or newspaper.

And hopefully…

Profiting                                                                                                                                                                                How much money you make from your book, has a direct link to the above steps. However, if you are a celebrity or have a public image, you may be able to sell more copies of your book.  Best wishes on your journey.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     My journey of Expert Positioning started when I was in grade  3                                                         Over the last few days, I’ve been looking at old photos and came across so many beautiful memories, captured in some of those photos. Among these were a newspaper article and a photo taken during the launch of my first book, entitled: Sukses, jou keuse (Success, it’s your choice). The occasion dates back to 2003. I was still living in my beautiful hometown: George. Wow! What a journey?

The launch of my first book that I have self-published.  The date was Tuesday, 04 March 2003 and I was still living in my beautiful hometown: George, in the Southern Cape.  With me is Robert, a winner of a copy of my book.

I look back and I remember the time when my book-dream started. I always loved writing and I remember when I was in the third grade, I wrote a beautiful poem, entitled: My ouma se kat (Grandma’s cat). I also drew a beautiful picture of a ginger-coloured cat next to the poem. I was very impressed with my work, but when I showed it to my friends, they loved at me and some asked me: “Who do you think you are?…”
This question put me right back into my little corner of severe low self-esteem and I didn’t come out of that corner to show my poem to my mom or to my third grade teacher. They would have told me that it was beautiful and good. I never stopped writing, but since then I just stopped showing my work to friends – I just kept it to myself.

I was twenty-six years old when I started working on my self-esteem. And what a process that was? I remember revisiting all those incidents since childhood that led to me being diagnosed with low self-esteem, evaluating and recognising them as lies and putting the pain behind me. And after a personal growth and counselling course at Life Line, I knew that I was ready to get out there and pursue my speaking-dream. I started speaking at schools and later also at Correctional Services on a voluntary basis and mostly about self-esteem. That was a wonderful experience.

My book-dream                                                                                                                                                                 At age twenty-seven, my book-dream was born. Today I look back in amazement, because that was a time when not many people looking like me or with my kind of background were writing books. I think that I had a lot of guts – still do.

At first I was afraid to tell anybody about this dream. I always knew that I wanted to write a book, I just didn’t know what I wanted to write about.  And one day, I made the decision to start writing. I look back at that time and I see wonderful commitment. I mentioned to a few individuals that I was writing a book, and got a lot of negative responses, like: “You…really? Nobody would be interested in publishing your book, because you are not famous…”

Even though I was taken aback by such comments, I continued on my journey. I told myself that the people who doubt me just don’t know how hard I am working and they just do not know how determined I am. Apart from the discouraging comments, there were also positive and encouraging comments. And I learned about the importance of speaking to the right people – of not telling just everybody about my dreams, about what I am working on.

And I managed to secure publicity.  A newspaper article that appeared in the George Herald after the launch of my book.

I love books                                                                                                                                                                     The collection of books that I currently own could give birth to a mini library. From time to time, I also give books away for charity purposes, but it is always very difficult.  I look at the Psychology text books that I have used for my studies during previous years and I know that I can never sell them; while I often see advertisements of students who are selling their text books. I guess that this has something to do with my love for books.

I remember that my love for books is one that dates back to my childhood. My mom used to say that she wonders what I would do one day, because of my love for books and because I loved making my own picture books, using pictures from old magazines. What a pity that I no longer have those? It would have been nice to look back and see what exactly went on in my mind as a six, seven or eight-year old.

Today I love to guide others on their journey, because I believe that everyone could and should write a book.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I wish you well on your book writing and publishing journey.

 

Wellness Retreat for Women

Do you need to take time out to breathe, smell the roses and re-connect with yourself? If you answer “yes”, this Wellness Weekend Retreat for Women that I plan to host in August, (at Dikhololo Game Reserve or at Mount Amanzi, Northwest South Africa) may be just what you need.

They say that when you work hard, you should play hard as well. But all too often, we work hard while not having time to play and it is mostly women who are guilty of this. The following is what I have written after my week-long sabbatical that I took in August last year.

After ten months of work and no breaks for a short holiday, I thought that it was time to take a break. This break would be different though. Unlike the usual family holiday, I would venture on it by myself. It was tough for hubby and our son to come to terms with the idea of me going on “holiday” all by myself. In fact, it felt strange to me too, because we are doing so many things together and after a marriage of 10 years, we have never been away from each other for a night or longer. I was overworked and needed to rest and recharge. I needed to be quiet. I knew this, because I learned to listen to my body. What a gift this is?
After sorting out their “abandonment-issues”, I was finally ready to plan my sabbatical. What would I do, while I was away? The answer to this question wasn’t too difficult, because I knew that I needed to get away from work to reflect on my life, my personal growth.

With one of my speaking engagements in August, at an event hosted by a large corporate organisation, I encouraged women to make time to reflect on their lives and if they could to get away from their daily routine in order to do so. My topic: Heal the woman within is one that I am very passionate about – more so, because I had to do a lot of healing myself. The importance of taking time out to reflect can never be overemphasized.

What is going on in your life? What are the issues that you are struggling with?

This very topic came about, after I discovered that too many women do not deal with their issues of emotional pain. This is mostly because they do not know how to, and then find inappropriate ways to do so. As a Counsellor, Life Coach and future Psychologist, I hear heart-breaking stories on a regular basis. One in particular comes to mind. I had a client who came to see me about her self-esteem and assertiveness issues. Even though I know that a beautiful outside appearance is not necessarily a reflection of how someone feels on the inside, I was still wondering why this beautiful woman was sitting in front of me, telling me that she believes that she was ugly and worthless.
I also know how important it is to hear the things that the client does not necessarily say.

Growing and learning                                                                                                                                                      I asked this client: “What is it that you are not telling me, that you are afraid to say? She looked at me, saying: “What do you mean?” I responded by asking: “What are you hiding?” The next minute she burst out in tears and literally sobbed for a few minutes. I handed her some tissues and waited for her to gather herself. When she did, she looked at me, saying: “You are right. I am hiding something. In fact, I am trying to run away from something for so long…”

I listened while she shared her very painful story…

She was raped when she was 7 years old. The perpetrator was an adult who was never brought to book, because he died that same year. When she told her family what had happened, they did not believe her because, as she was told: “he was too decent and came from a decent family so she must be lying…”

She was ordered to never talk about the incident and as a result she suffered in silence. This is the story of too many women. She needed an outlet and the abuse of painkillers have her that outlet. It temporarily numbed her pain, but didn’t resolve the pain. As a result, she did not only struggle with her issue of emotional pain and anger, but also had to battle her addiction.

She said: “Everybody thinks that I am so wonderful, but I feel like a fraud…”

It is important to find healing when we need to.  All too often one issue manifests in the form of destructive behaviour when people do not find healing. Please find the healing that you need. That way, you do not have to continue struggling with pain, while also on a journey of self-destruction.

What are the issues that you are currently struggling with? What is the issue that makes you feel isolated, because you have no one to talk to and wrongly believe that you are the only one going through that challenge? This upcoming wellness retreat for women may be just what you need to reflect and realise that you are not alone and that it isn’t the end of the world.  But of course, we are also going to have some fun.

Books for my sabbatical
Apart from Psychology text books, I took with two other books. The one: Truer Insights, written by one of my favourite South African authors: Robin Wheeler.
I love what I’ve learned from his writing over the years; that men are able to put ego aside and be in touch with their feelings. I believe that too much is blamed on the ego of men.

We all have an ego and we should learn to control it and not have it control us. Get this book (and others) in his range: “Being yourself for a living”, from Bentrepreneuring.com
The other book that accompanied me on my sabbatical is: Advice to men. This is a very old book, published in 1983 and being on my bookshelf for a number of years.  Yes, men need healing too.

“A-ha moments”                                                                                                                                                        What is life without these? I love it when I learn something about myself. This sabbatical was one of those times when I once again had a few “a-ha moments.” I do not like being “ordered” around. When you do this, you will encounter my very firm side. This is so, because I know that I will never order another person around. I do not require anybody to be my slave, puppet or to say yes and amen to everything that I have to say, and as a result, I will not be that to anybody else.

Ask me nicely or suggest nicely, but do not order. Yes, life is also about negotiating, but this is one of those things that I am not willing to negotiate on.

Monkey business                                                                                                                                                             The first night that I slept alone, not only in a strange bed, but also in a strange house, was not really my idea of fun, not when there are monkeys on the roof.

And then the wind blows and there is the constant falling of leaves and rustling of tree branches on the roof. Spooky…

Well, I was by myself to learn and reflect.

So, how about turning this spooky night into a fabulous learning experience too? Opening the door was not an option, so I opted for opening the blinds and stare into the dark night through the window. Seeing how the wind smacked the branches around and how the leaves were falling, took the “spooky” out of that windy night. I learned to appreciate nature even more – even those conditions that I normally wish were not there to begin with.
By doing this, I was able to truly appreciate every weather condition, every season. I had to go away and be quiet, had to reflect in order to be able to do this. That’s wonderful.

Back to work                                                                                                                                                                          It was wonderful to take time out – just for myself. It is something that I believe we should all do from time to time. It was even better to come back and to be with the men in my life – not to mention all the wonderful serenades.

Wellness Weekend Retreat for Women                                                                                                               I have received a number of enquiries from women last year who indicated their interest in going on such a retreat to participate in personal growth workshops to help them reflect and restore their balance. The good news is that I am indeed planning one for this year – for August to be exact. Some of the treats that women could expect include: workshops, fun activities, quiet time, great food, goodie bags, etc. to mention a few.

Thank you for the enquiries.
All the details will be finalised within the next two weeks.

Should you wish to receive more information, send an email to: info@andeline.co.za

“My journey to starting a magazine.” Insights by Felicia Buthelezi on how she started, and about the magazine industry in general.

She is a wife, mother and businesswoman. She had another dream, a powerful one; one that scared her. Few believed in her, but she continued to pursue her dream. They said that her magazine-dream would collapse before it even started.

Felicia Buthelezi.  Founding Editor of I do Magazine.

Says Felicia: “For a little while I believed this, because there were so many factors to consider. The print media is hard to penetrate; it requires a lot of money and focus. It is one industry that is not fully transformed to allow independent publishers especially blacks to compete on an equal footing with few established publishers. The magazine industry is saturated. You have to study the industry well to identify the gap.”

Felicia heard all those comments that were meant to make her give up, but the dream grew stronger and stronger. It refused to die. She looked around her and knew that there was a gap in the market for a magazine that encouraged couples to work through their challenges and build healthier and happier homes, instead of focusing on messy divorces in a sensational manner.

In a society where women empowerment often happens with men being excluded, she knew that she wanted men to be part of the picture. She believed in her dream and worked hard at turning it into a reality. And today she is known as the Founding Editor of I do Magazine. She is Felicia Buthelezi, affectionately known as Mrs. B.

Words of wisdom                                                                                                                                                             “Due to the many challenges that I experienced while I attempted to turn my dream into a reality, I would have given up a long time ago. The biggest reason why I refused to give up was because there was a powerful vision behind my dream and I didn’t simply want to start a magazine, just to be in the print media industry or just to be famous.”

Values                                                                                                                                                                                       “I do magazine is who I am. It is aligned with my highest values. This, together with my life’s purpose and my passion, was what fuelled its survival. The glamour and attention are a wonderful bonus, but that was never my focus. And this is where most young people make a mistake; most of them want to be in a career, because of money. Money and fame should never be the foundation. Money will come at the right time – provided that the foundation of the dream is solid.”

Priorities                                                                                                                                                                           “Marriage and family are very important to me. I have packaged my highest values into a magazine. When we create a platform that could influence people’s thinking, it is important to realize how big and how powerful that is. I choose to embrace that with responsibility.

When you align your values with your business concept it makes things easier – especially during difficult times. I believe that when we can align our goals with our inner values, that success is inevitable, because you do not only rely on outside motivation. There is always that inner voice that whispers: It is well – you are going to be fine.”

Objective                                                                                                                                                                               “It is important to know why we are doing what we are doing; why we want to achieve a specific goal. Yes, there is competition out there, but when you continue to focus on growing and on getting better at what you are doing, you can’t go wrong.

I do Magazine am synonymous with Healthy Marriages and Happy Homes.”

Felicia’s advice to aspirant Founding Editors
•A good magazine depends on several things: the quality and abilities of the people who work for it, its ability to attract advertisers, readers and its successful distribution. The big question though is what sets your magazine apart from the rest. If you can answer this question, I believe you can continue with your research.

•You first have to identify the target market of the magazine and do research about their needs and address those needs. My research took me two years.

•Packaging is very important: This includes the style of writing, layout – design of the magazine and the general look and feel of your magazine. This can’t be achieved if you don’t know who you talking to.

•Distribution is also very important because it has a huge effect in making or killing your magazine. Advertisers are interested in the numbers your magazine reaches and how it reaches them. You have to shop around before the magazine is launched.

•Set realistic goals, make a commitment and be consistent in what you do and how you do it. It takes time to win consumers’ trust. Stay focused, work hard and persevere.

•You have to consistently empower yourself with information. It is also beneficial to and network with likeminded people.

•It is hard to find people who will understand and respect your vision like you do – be patient and keep searching. Never see yourself through the eyes of visionless and don’t take everything personal during the searching process. Some people are meant to be with us for a season or one chapter of our book.

•Never be afraid to ask for help. The worst thing that could happen is that someone could say no. But then, you go and ask the next person.

•Academic qualifications are important, but remember that God has invested something so precious inside you and it is as valuable. Protect it and nature it. Most people focus more on what they don’t have than what they already have. External circumstances should not be a stumbling block towards your goal. Use it as a stepping stone.

•You have to embrace your own reality and use the resources you have to make things work. Never compare yourself with bigger and well established companies. Start where you are, with who you are and use what you have. Stay authentic to what you and your magazine stand for.

•People will only be drawn to your work when you are genuine and you live the life reflected on your magazine. When what you do is genuinely coming from within, it will show in your work. Maintain a healthy connection with the readers of your magazine by introducing brand extensions in the form of live events.

To receive updates about I do Magazine, follow them on Twitter                                                        https://twitter.com/idomag

You can also connect with Felicia by liking her Facebook page;
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Felicia-Buthelezi-Mrs-B/382810245172317?fref=ts

Or you could like the Facebook page of I do Magazine.                     https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Do-Magazine/168957539813454

 

Empathic Leadership – Themes (in English and in Afrikaans)

When it comes to Empathic Leadership, I focus on different themes. See below for the different themes and to see which one applies to your team or organisation?  My Empathic Leadership presentation is available in English and in Afrikaans.

AFRIKAANS

EMPATIESE LEIERSKAP TEMAS

 

About Empathic Leadership

Empathic Leadership is another addition to what I already have under my umbrella of Expert Positioning. This is an area that I have been exploring over a period of five years. And after my book about Empathy had been published by national publishing house: Naledi, I knew that it was time to turn Empathic Leadership into a reality.

In this book, I focus on various relationship challenges and on how this wonderful virtue could transform these relationships for the better, how an empathic approach could assist with building better relationships and with resolving conflict.  This not only apply to our relationships with our friends and family, but also to our relationships in the workplace and our day-to-day encounters with other people.

What is Empathic Leadership?                                                                                                                     Empathic Leadership is a leadership perspective that allows us to get into the shoes of others, to be mindful of their feelings and of their perspective. We do not have to adopt their perspective, we simply have to respect it.  And unlike popular belief, we do not lose anything in the process. Empathic Leadership requires a good dose of emotional intelligence as well as the wonderful ability to listen. With Empathic Leadership, we do not only identify what others are doing wrong, but we are also able to identify our own errors.

Why do we need Empathic Leadership?                                                                                                          We need Empathic Leadership, because we are in trouble. We are in trouble as far as our relationships are concerned, not only in our families, but also in our day-to-day encounters with others, in our work places and in our relationships with ourselves. We need Empathic leadership, because we are at a stage where too many people seem to be detached from themselves, from their ability to fairly judge right from wrong. Something is wrong when it is them, that other race, that other culture, that other religion, etc. However, when we do the same thing or when someone close to us does the same thing, that very wrong undergoes a miraculous transformation.

We do this and still call ourselves fair in our judgement of right wrong. We do this and still call ourselves leaders, professional and all the other fancy things that we like to attach to our names.

When was the last time you stood up for someone who didn’t have much of a voice?     This is just one of the characteristics of Empathic Leadership, something that has the ability to change the world for the better.

Richard Branson recently took a stand when he requested that Uganda be boycotted due to the law for the prosecution of gay people. He thought that the law violated the human rights of gay people. He doesn’t know the gay people in Uganda; they are not his friends or family. However, this business tycoon knows that gay people are human beings too and that they too deserve the right to be.

Zackie Achmat took a bold stand when he fought against the system to have antiretroviral drugs made more accessible to people living with HIV. A battle that he has fought for a while, a battle that he has won and in the process saved the lives of millions of people.

Prof. Jonathan Jansen is one of those people whom I admire for who he is and what he generally stands for. When he recently stood up against racial discrimination with regards to student accommodation in Bloemfontein, he did not say: “Oh let me not stand up, because that student is black and not Coloured.” This is what most people would do and do. When it is not someone from their race, culture or religion who happens to be on the receiving end of unkind, unfair or abusive treatment, they tend to look the other way.  And when we are confronted with various social problems, we fold our arms and ask: “What is wrong with our society?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I believe that our search for the answers has to start with every one of us looking in the mirror.  This is one of the most difficult things to do, but without it, positive and transformational change are not possible.  On the other side, it is really simple.  It is about asking yourself: “How would I feel if I was on the receiving end, if the person on the receiving end was my family member, someone from my race, culture religion…?  How would I feel?  Would I volunteer to be a bystander?

Neville Gaunt recently initiated a great discussion, entitled: “Bullying Cultures Reduce Results. Why don’t Leaders of HR fix it?”on the LinkedIn group: “Harvard Business Review.”  I appreciated the fact that he as a male initiated the discussion.                                     He didn’t say: “Well, I am not currently a victim of bullying; therefore I can’t possibly initiate such a discussion.”                                                                                                                                             See this link to follow the discussion                                                                                                                   http://www.linkedin.com/groups/Bullying-Cultures-Reduce-Results-Why-3044917.S.5857873347437686784?view=&gid=3044917&item=5857873347437686784&type=member&commentID=discussion%3A5857873347437686784%3Agroup%3A3044917&trk=hb_ntf_COMMENTED_ON_GROUP_DISCUSSION_YOU_FOLLOWED#commentID_discussion%3A5857873347437686784%3Agroup%3A3044917

I have found that when a female initiates such a discussion, she is generally seen as having “issues” or as having “victim-hood mentality”, or worse…

I hear of too many incidents about bullying in the workplace and in our society where the bully tends to get away with his or her behaviour.  All too often, the victim is seen as the problem. Most organisations see the bully as someone with a strong personality. This cannot be further from the truth.  And if a bully brings in money or clients that an organisation is afraid to lose, this may be the very reason why some do not address the problem.  However, if the problem is not addressed and you look the other way, your organisation will pay eventually. Because someone always pays when someone gets bullied or gets treated unfairly. Always!

I know that victims of bullying are not only female, but male as well.  I was overwhelmed by the number of individuals (from different races, both genders and from around the world) who responded to this discussion on LinkedIn. It tells me that people know and generally agree that bullying is a huge problem and that organisations stand to lose a great deal if they do not address the problem. If bullying is a problem at your work place, or if there are other relationship challenges that are having a negative effect on the productivity of your employees and ultimately on your bottom line, Empathic Leadership could help you resolve these problems.

How is Empathic Leadership different from other Leadership presentations?         Empathic Leadership goes where other leadership presentations do not go. With Empathic leadership we are getting real For Real. There is no sugar-coating, no looking the other way.  And we do this while we still remain respectful and sensitive towards the feelings of others. Most people are not able to do this, and that is why they mostly shy away from the difficult issues – hoping that it would resolve itself. Newsflash! It won’t.

Misconceptions about Empathy                                                                                                                        With my work in the Empathy-arena, I have found that a very large percentage of people believe that Empathy is synonymous with weakness. The truth is that the opposite is true. In my experience as a Counsellor, Life Coach and as Empathy & Relationship Expert, I know that it is strong people who are able to give empathy. Strong people are able to get into the shoes of others and are able to see things from the other perspective and are mindful of the feelings of others.

How can I assist you?                                                                                                                                                     For more information about Empathic Leadership, for what I focus on and how I could assist your group or organisation with building that empathic muscle for that positive transformation that you are looking for, do contact me.

Andeline Williams-Pretorius                                                                                                                     Inspirational Speaker, Trainer, Author,                                                                                                             Life Coach & Columnist to Kuier magazine, and                                                                                 Empathy & Relationship on SABC radio: RSG                                                                                                 Email: info@andeline.co.za

7 Tips to Create a Powerful Impact, Presence and Influence – Karl Smith

Karl Smith is one of the Experts whom I admire and respect; not only because of the calibre of work that he delivers, but also because he is consistent in his work ethic and professionalism.  Today, I find that to be a very rare quality.  I hope that you’ll find his expertise as insightful as I have.

He is an Author, Speaker, Coach and the founder of Business Networking South Africa.  He is based in Cape Town.  Because of his expertise, Finweek Magazine has dubbed him a “Networking Guru.”

Karl was very generous to share 7 Tips to Create a Powerful Impact, Presence and Influence with me and I am honoured to share his wisdom with the visitors to my Blog, with friends, Connections and Business Associates.

Says Karl…                                                                                                                                                                         “The impressions we make on others can have a major impact on networking, our personal brand, building our own business, working with others and our earning capacity.

So give yourself an edge and take this opportunity to reflect on how you can enhance your presence, impact and influence to help achieve your personal and professional goals.

Karl Smith

1.Understand yourself
A first step in developing your personal impact, presence and authority is identifying what it is that you want to project to others. What are your strengths? What are your values? How do you want others to see you? How do you want to be? Real presence and impact comes from being congruent at all these levels. You need to understand yourself – your personality and your preferences.

2.Truly listen to the other person
When you are meeting people in a networking or other room, take your time to really, really listen to what they have to say. Your aim is to zone in on the other person so that you give them 100% of your time and attention. Making the other person feel as if they are really being heard, will increase your impact, presence and influence significantly.

3.Mind what and how you speak
Critical is what you say and how you say it. Some people want to tell others everything they know. Instead, communicate in a clear and concise manner. Do not give a dissertation as an answer to a question. Engage people in conversation. Don’t talk at them, talk with them. If you have expertise in a specific area, make two or three points. Don’t overload people with all the details. Speak from your experience and in a voice of authority. Don’t rush your words. Avoid phrases like “I think”, “it might be”. These phrases diminish the power of what you have to say

4.Watch your gestures
Research in social psychology suggests that larger, expansive gestures imply a confident person, while small, close to the body gestures imply the opposite. Practise gesturing in front of a mirror. This may feel awkward at first but, once you feel less self-conscious, it will prove valuable to your awareness of your impact on others. Keep gestures fluid and easy – jerky or rapid movements suggest lack of confidence.

5.Be true to yourself
Don’t be fake. People won’t trust you. Authenticity is essential. If you’re a shrinking violet don’t try to be the life and soul. You’ll have maximum impact and presence when you’re true to yourself. Be honest with yourself, learn who you are and ask others who are non-biased for occasional feedback.

6.Inspiring others
Inspire and motivate others. Think about a person who has inspired you, those people who have encouraged and lifted us to a new level. The respect and trust for them rises when they inspire others. When people feel inspired when they are around you then they will want to be around and follow you. Take time to inspire and motivate the people around you.

7.Be consistent
The most important thing is to be consistent in your impact. If you’re one person on Monday and a different person on Tuesday, people will get confused. Once you’re clear about who you are and the perception you want others to have of you, it’s essential your impact, presence and influence are the same with different people and across situations.

How do you make sure that you develop that certain mystique of personal presence? Understand that there really is no mystery after all. Day by day, present yourself with awareness and intention as you inch closer to your goal of strong impact.”

Karl doing what he does best

For more of Karl’s words of wisdom, visit http://www.businessnetworkingsouthafrica

Karl welcomes your enquiries.                                                                                                                          Join him on LinkedIn for networking, personal branding or referral insight ;or on Facebook and Twitter@NetworkingGuySA for daily inspiration.