Heal The Woman Within

Women’s Month is around the corner.  If you are looking for a presentation that will touch the heart of your employees, women’s group or delegates, then Heal The Woman Within, may be just what you are looking for.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       About this presentation                                                                                                                                              As a Life Coach I have worked with many women in my coaching practice, women who try to deal with their emotional challenges by abusing a substance, resorting to destructive behaviour patterns or inappropriate sexual conduct. Too many women believe that it is not ideal to talk about their challenges. I believe that too many women (and men for that matter) lose their ability to speak their truth during their childhood; often as a result of “discipline.”

Everyone needs an outlet
When it comes to our challenges, we need an outlet. This means that we need to talk about it or seek appropriate help. When this need is not met, we encounter situations where our challenges manifest in various ways that tend to magnify the challenge that we started out with.

I received positive feedback for this presentation after a Women’s Day event last year. The women in the audience came from various backgrounds, but one thing that they had in common, was that they could all relate to the topic. Some spoke to me afterwards, thanking me for focusing on a topic that is real; a topic that made them look inward and reflect on their situation and inspired them to make the changes that they needed to make.

The role of cognitive dissonance
The reality of cognitive dissonance makes this situation even worse for those who are struggling with it. You know that what you choose to do is not productive, they know that they should stop and that they should seek help. However, they do not seek help, because of the shame, guilt and because they feel that they would risk losing the “perfect” image that they are trying to uphold.

Some of the manifestations that occur when you do not talk about your challenges or seek help
•Is your current challenge so overwhelming that you do not see yourself talking about it to anyone?
•Are you abusing drugs to help you cope, because you are unable to seek help?
•Do you drink too much alcohol, because it helps you forget about your challenge for a while?
•Do you abuse painkillers to try to numb that painful issue that you are struggling with?
•Do you have a desire to have a sexual encounter with someone else, but when you re-think it, you say to yourself: “This is unlike me.”?

Did you answer “yes” to one or more of the above?  Do you think that you are alone?           Rest assured – you are not alone; and there is help.                                                                                       (There are number of other manifestations – to be addressed during my presentation).

There is help
There are various ways in which to address the above manifestations as well as the particular challenge that resulted in the manifestation.                                                                     However, the first thing that you have to do is ask yourself the following question: “What is it that I need that I am not currently getting?”
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Do you think that your women’s group would benefit from this presentation?
With Heal The Woman Within, I do not simply put plaster over your emotional crack, but also focus on why the crack (emotional pain) had occurred in the first place.  I share ways in which to deal with such pain and share methods on how to heal.  Apart from that, I also address the various manifestations that come about when we do not deal with our challenges in an appropriate manner; and I give advice on how to address these manifestations.  Furthermore, I will point you in the right direction, should you need professional help.  I also share a few anonymous case studies that delegates are able to relate to.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     This presentation allows participants to do introspection, without making any disclosures in front of the group.  And hopefully, those who are struggling with this would be inspired to acknowledge their situation and seek the help that they need.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     REMEMBER…                                                                                                                                                                        When you invest in your healing, your emotional (or relationship) challenge could turn you into an EXPERT.  Ask me how.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       For enquiries or more information about this presentation, send an email to:                    info@andeline.co.za                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Thank you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Andeline Williams-Pretorius.

Your well-being is my business.         

Wellness Retreat for Women

Do you need to take time out to breathe, smell the roses and re-connect with yourself? If you answer “yes”, this Wellness Weekend Retreat for Women that I plan to host in August, (at Dikhololo Game Reserve or at Mount Amanzi, Northwest South Africa) may be just what you need.

They say that when you work hard, you should play hard as well. But all too often, we work hard while not having time to play and it is mostly women who are guilty of this. The following is what I have written after my week-long sabbatical that I took in August last year.

After ten months of work and no breaks for a short holiday, I thought that it was time to take a break. This break would be different though. Unlike the usual family holiday, I would venture on it by myself. It was tough for hubby and our son to come to terms with the idea of me going on “holiday” all by myself. In fact, it felt strange to me too, because we are doing so many things together and after a marriage of 10 years, we have never been away from each other for a night or longer. I was overworked and needed to rest and recharge. I needed to be quiet. I knew this, because I learned to listen to my body. What a gift this is?
After sorting out their “abandonment-issues”, I was finally ready to plan my sabbatical. What would I do, while I was away? The answer to this question wasn’t too difficult, because I knew that I needed to get away from work to reflect on my life, my personal growth.

With one of my speaking engagements in August, at an event hosted by a large corporate organisation, I encouraged women to make time to reflect on their lives and if they could to get away from their daily routine in order to do so. My topic: Heal the woman within is one that I am very passionate about – more so, because I had to do a lot of healing myself. The importance of taking time out to reflect can never be overemphasized.

What is going on in your life? What are the issues that you are struggling with?

This very topic came about, after I discovered that too many women do not deal with their issues of emotional pain. This is mostly because they do not know how to, and then find inappropriate ways to do so. As a Counsellor, Life Coach and future Psychologist, I hear heart-breaking stories on a regular basis. One in particular comes to mind. I had a client who came to see me about her self-esteem and assertiveness issues. Even though I know that a beautiful outside appearance is not necessarily a reflection of how someone feels on the inside, I was still wondering why this beautiful woman was sitting in front of me, telling me that she believes that she was ugly and worthless.
I also know how important it is to hear the things that the client does not necessarily say.

Growing and learning                                                                                                                                                      I asked this client: “What is it that you are not telling me, that you are afraid to say? She looked at me, saying: “What do you mean?” I responded by asking: “What are you hiding?” The next minute she burst out in tears and literally sobbed for a few minutes. I handed her some tissues and waited for her to gather herself. When she did, she looked at me, saying: “You are right. I am hiding something. In fact, I am trying to run away from something for so long…”

I listened while she shared her very painful story…

She was raped when she was 7 years old. The perpetrator was an adult who was never brought to book, because he died that same year. When she told her family what had happened, they did not believe her because, as she was told: “he was too decent and came from a decent family so she must be lying…”

She was ordered to never talk about the incident and as a result she suffered in silence. This is the story of too many women. She needed an outlet and the abuse of painkillers have her that outlet. It temporarily numbed her pain, but didn’t resolve the pain. As a result, she did not only struggle with her issue of emotional pain and anger, but also had to battle her addiction.

She said: “Everybody thinks that I am so wonderful, but I feel like a fraud…”

It is important to find healing when we need to.  All too often one issue manifests in the form of destructive behaviour when people do not find healing. Please find the healing that you need. That way, you do not have to continue struggling with pain, while also on a journey of self-destruction.

What are the issues that you are currently struggling with? What is the issue that makes you feel isolated, because you have no one to talk to and wrongly believe that you are the only one going through that challenge? This upcoming wellness retreat for women may be just what you need to reflect and realise that you are not alone and that it isn’t the end of the world.  But of course, we are also going to have some fun.

Books for my sabbatical
Apart from Psychology text books, I took with two other books. The one: Truer Insights, written by one of my favourite South African authors: Robin Wheeler.
I love what I’ve learned from his writing over the years; that men are able to put ego aside and be in touch with their feelings. I believe that too much is blamed on the ego of men.

We all have an ego and we should learn to control it and not have it control us. Get this book (and others) in his range: “Being yourself for a living”, from Bentrepreneuring.com
The other book that accompanied me on my sabbatical is: Advice to men. This is a very old book, published in 1983 and being on my bookshelf for a number of years.  Yes, men need healing too.

“A-ha moments”                                                                                                                                                        What is life without these? I love it when I learn something about myself. This sabbatical was one of those times when I once again had a few “a-ha moments.” I do not like being “ordered” around. When you do this, you will encounter my very firm side. This is so, because I know that I will never order another person around. I do not require anybody to be my slave, puppet or to say yes and amen to everything that I have to say, and as a result, I will not be that to anybody else.

Ask me nicely or suggest nicely, but do not order. Yes, life is also about negotiating, but this is one of those things that I am not willing to negotiate on.

Monkey business                                                                                                                                                             The first night that I slept alone, not only in a strange bed, but also in a strange house, was not really my idea of fun, not when there are monkeys on the roof.

And then the wind blows and there is the constant falling of leaves and rustling of tree branches on the roof. Spooky…

Well, I was by myself to learn and reflect.

So, how about turning this spooky night into a fabulous learning experience too? Opening the door was not an option, so I opted for opening the blinds and stare into the dark night through the window. Seeing how the wind smacked the branches around and how the leaves were falling, took the “spooky” out of that windy night. I learned to appreciate nature even more – even those conditions that I normally wish were not there to begin with.
By doing this, I was able to truly appreciate every weather condition, every season. I had to go away and be quiet, had to reflect in order to be able to do this. That’s wonderful.

Back to work                                                                                                                                                                          It was wonderful to take time out – just for myself. It is something that I believe we should all do from time to time. It was even better to come back and to be with the men in my life – not to mention all the wonderful serenades.

Wellness Weekend Retreat for Women                                                                                                               I have received a number of enquiries from women last year who indicated their interest in going on such a retreat to participate in personal growth workshops to help them reflect and restore their balance. The good news is that I am indeed planning one for this year – for August to be exact. Some of the treats that women could expect include: workshops, fun activities, quiet time, great food, goodie bags, etc. to mention a few.

Thank you for the enquiries.
All the details will be finalised within the next two weeks.

Should you wish to receive more information, send an email to: info@andeline.co.za